Daily Archive for March 30th, 2005

Another Rabbi Story …

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to Audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”

“Good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

“What about all these Matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?”

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzos.”

“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick like you.”

The Parrot

Mrs. Davidson’s dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my bulldog, Spike, he won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!”

When the repair man arrives at Mrs Davidson’s apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business. The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid ugly f***ing bird!”

To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”