Just thought that you should know that there is an alarming new virus going around universities called “work”.
If you receive any sort of “work” at all whether via email by a fellow student. . . DO NOT OPEN IT.
This has been circulating around our campus for the last couple of weeks and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain is corrupted permanently.
If you do encounter “work” via email or are faced with any “work” at all then use the special anti-virus code pick up any “work” you have attempted and burn it saying “fuck this for a game of soldiers I ‘m off to the Pub!”
The “work” should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive “work” in paper-document form simply lift the document and drag the “work” to your rubbish bin. Put on your hat and coat and go to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or bottles of wicked).
After repeating this action 14 times you will find that “work” will no longer be of any relevance to you and that “Scooby Doo” was the greatest cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book then I’m afraid the “work” virus has already corrupted your life.
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the job please see your manager. You will be immediatelyplaced at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T) Those who fail to take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T S.H.I.T).
Since our managers took S.H.I.T before they were promoted they do not have to do S.H.I.T anymore as they are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job training others. We can add yourname to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L S.H.I.T) Those who are full of B.U.L.L S.H.I.T will get the S.H.I.T jobs and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P S.H.I.T)
If you have further questions please direct them to our Head Of Training Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T S.H.I.T)
Thank you
Boss in General (B.I.G S.H.I.T)
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