New Phrases

  • TESTICULATING – Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.
  • BLAMESTORMING – Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
  • SEAGULL MANAGER – A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
  • ASSMOSIS – The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. (As per Mr Smithers)
  • SALMON DAY – The experience of spending entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
  • CUBE FARM – An office filled with cubicles.
  • PRAIRIE DOGGING – When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
  • MOUSE POTATO – The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.
  • SITCOMs – Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a “home business”.
  • STRESS PUPPY – A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
  • PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE – The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
  • OHNOSECOND – That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e. g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’)
  • GOING FOR A McSh*T – Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you’ll buy their food afterwards is known as a “McSh*t with Lies.”
  • AEROPLANE BLONDE – One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.
  • AUSSIE KISS – Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
  • BREAKING THE SEAL – Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
  • GREYHOUND – A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
  • MILLENNIUM DOMES – The contents of a Wonder bra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there’s actually nought in there worth seeing.
  • MONKEY BATH – A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:”Oo!Oo!
    Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!”.
  • SALAD DODGER – An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
  • SWAMP-DONKEY – A deeply unattractive woman

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About Anton Piatek

Professional bit herder, amateur photographer. Linux and tech geek
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